The Flea
Proportionate Strength of a Flea ("Whatever -that- means.")
Super-Jumping ("Who said white men can't jump?")
Super-Agility ("And they said it was a mistake to try out for the girls' gymnastics team!")
Flea Control and Manipulation ("Still beats having retractable antlers, am I right?")
Flea-Sense ("Tingling. Tingling's a funny word. Tingling.")
Flea-Touch ("Hope you brought your backscratcher, villainy!")
Like a flea, I act on impulse ("...Well now that you put me on the spot I'm not gonna do it.")
Supercharged Metabolism ("Try saying that seven times fast.")
Any Power I Want At Any Given Time ("What? No? Fine.")Fleas ("No, wait, don't go!")
Flea Spine Gloves ("Is 'flea' starting to not look or sound like a word to anyone else?")
Super Costume ("Gotta show the curves to give the female players what they want.")
The Flea is a totally badass hero. He does what no one else does and/or is willing to do. And the prize? Women, money and all the sub sandwiches in the world. Some (Just him) say the Flea was born when God came down from the very heavens itself and proclaimed that he was, in fact, the second coming of Jesus Christ, bestowing him with the powers of nature's most powerful creature: The mighty flea. Others (Still him) say he came to exist when a meteor crash-landed on Earth, landing atop and mutating a wandering flea into the physical embodiment of "I would let that guy do stuff on me." Records, however, say that Dexter Pest was an out-of-work douchebag who was also the lead guitarist of a struggling band, a high-school dropout and a mindless purchaser of anything made by Apple whose dog exploded one day whilst he was giving it a flea bath, bestowing him with all the amazing powers of a flea and leaving him with a dead dog. From there, the rest is (best forgotten) history. Confused? Okay, well his arch-enemy is a really fat landlord with a magically endowed belt and a bullet-proof wifebeater vest, so it only gets worse from here on out...
Contents
- 1 What's on my mind? Let's see...
- 2 Biography and Unnecessary Exposition
- 3 Powers That I Can Do
- 4 Stuff I Have
- 5 Personality? Seriously, bro?
- 6 Weaknesses I do not have because I'm a man
- 7 Did somebody say "Sexy Nude Pictures"?
- 8 Slammin' Tunes to Fit the Mood
- 9 Hey, You! Not You! You! Have We Met?
- 10 Tropes? Is that a word?
- 11 Kiss My Ass and Inflate My Ego
What's on my mind? Let's see...
"Hey, what the hell do I have to do to get Page of the Month around here? Whatever it is, I'll do it. Not that, though."
"I missed out on the chance to punch out a bunch of good-looking heroes for the entertainment of a cosmic entity with a hard on for war? God damn it, that's totally my area of expertise!"
"Hey, Knighty, I heard you got back from your trip to plot point land. Had a friend who bet me $10 you were dead. Thanks, jerk."
"I wonder if anyone will ever take me seriously as a hero...Did I say that out loud? Did I say -that- out loud?"
"Note to self: Buy non-pink thongs. No. Buy boxers."
"What does Cosmic even mean?"
"Shout out to mah boi, Tremor. Heard he lost his powers. Feel real bad for you, son. I've been in between a ROCK and a hard place before. Haha! You got told!"
"You know, being dead is different than you'd think. Did you know heaven is a post-apocalyptic wasteland full of the evil clones of evil me?"
Biography and Unnecessary Exposition
"Hello there, internet nerds. No, don't be alarmed. I'm just breaking the fourth wall just this once to talk to you about car insurance. Okay, wait, don't click the back button, I was just kidding!"
"I see you've managed to click away from your porn sites and MMORPGs long enough to stumble upon my little slice of heaven also known as my PRIMUS DATABASE PAGE! That's right, my deodorant-lacking little friend, I am none-other than the Flea: The hero so nice they named him once. Take a seat, kick off your shoes. I'm a real fan of your hair, by the by. Nice computer too. Okay, now that you're all nice and comfortable, I think it's time I told you the legend of the Flea and how he came to be...me. It's a story full of bodacious women, rocking vibes and, best of all, me! So grab yourself a snack and get comfy because this one is a doozey!"
"See, before I became the towering pillar of raw sex appeal you see before you, I, and by that I mean my roomie Dexter McPest, was nothing special. A high-school dropout who lived in the basement of an overweight landlord who sat around watching NASCAR all day. I could count all the worthwhile things I had done in my life on one hand whilst using the other one to itch my balls whilst watching every episode of Seinfeld ever made and I'd still have at least one finger free to pick that REALLY ANNOYING booger out of my nose. The first thing I did when I woke up every day if my sucky band wasn't doing practice was slap on some tighty-whiteys, pour myself a bowl of Lucky Charms and watch anime and porn all day (Taking breaks out of my hectic schedule, of course, to pester my peeps on my favourite internet forum with my opinions and bad jokes.) Then I'd probably throw on some pants, go down to the local Starbucks and try to look as hipsterish as humanly possible without destroying the entire universe. Then I'd probably get a text from my latest girlfriend telling me that we're through and cry myself to sleep watching the Young and the Restless in my sofa which is also a bed."
"Long story short? I was a total nobody. Laugh it up. Or cry, if that's the case, whilst I laugh at you. The main thing here is that I was a bag of jewel encrusted suck. But despair not, true believers, for it all gets better from here on out and it starts with SCIENCE!"
"See, for whatever reason, the fine people over at a small ARGENT research facility made for the sole purpose of shipping off the brain-deads to somewhere where they'd do as little damage as possible, had been running some very naughty experiments. No, not like that, but that was what I was thinking too. Fistbump me. And by that I mean pretend I'm right next to you and fistbump me. Go on. Do it. I'm not even going to continue until you do. Do it. Done it? Good."
"...You didn't do it, you dick. Thought you were cool but whatever, I guess."
"Anywho, these morons, these absolutely stupid retards, had been running tests on superpowers. That's right, freaking smashin' through walls, punching mentally unstable people and gettin' the girl superpowers. Only problem was, however, they had no idea how to go about doing that. So what did they do? They decided that the best course of action was to marinate several animals and insects in UNGODLY levels of radiation for lengthy periods of time before having them bite a human test subject. Shockingly, after making a pile a' dead animals that'd put a Japanese whaler to shame, they resigned and decided to move on to their next project: Genetically altering chicken to taste like fish. God speed, gentlemen."
"However, their experiment had had an itsy-bitsy level of success in the form of a single flea that had been living in the fur of one of the dogs that had been doused in radiation like a girl whose daddy never hugged her at a wet t-shirt contest. The flea had survived the experiments and had escaped the facility, travelling from dog to dog on its noble quest to drink blood and stuff. It was only a matter of time, though, before it wound up sinking its claws into my pet dog, Spot, who was pretty much a fleabag BEFORE that. Seriously, that dog was like the Playboy mansion but with fleas instead of hot girls..."
"Note to self: New idea for a sitcom. Send to the cast of SNL several times. Ignore all criticism."
"Being the responsible and bored owner that I was, I decided that the best way to get rid of the fleas was to give my little Spot a nice, long flea bath. Fate had other plans, however, and the moment I put my hands on my little dog..."
"He exploded in a fiery blaze of glory and blew me off of my feet and across the room. Yep. That actually happened. RIP Spot. But, with the death of my exploding dog, new life was breathed into me and I woke up on a hospital bed, recovering from a minor concussion. After checking out some of the nurses, I decided that I absolutely had to rip off my hospital gown, tie it around my face and leap out of the 5th floor window to the pavement below. Naturally, I saw absolutely no problem with that plan and did so, smacking into the pavement. However, that was NOT the weirdest part of my day. The weirdest part was when I got up, right as rain, brushed myself off and walked home in my undies."
"When I got home, I started to wonder what had caused me to be this way. Why was I still alive? Why did I randomly decide to leap out of a window? Why did absolutely no one clean up my exploded dog? The questions just kept on rolling in as I sat around with my thoughts. What had happened to me? And that's when I realised that there was another voice in my head. A second voice which sounded almost exactly like my own. Turns out the flea from earlier had projected his consciousness into mine when he blew up my dog. Shut up, it makes sense. There was more the voice had to tell me, however. It told me that I possessed super-powers and then listed them one by one whilst I had a montage exhibiting them. It was so cash."
"Super-Jumping, Super-Agility, the proportionate strength of a flea, the ability to control fleas with my mind (Which is totally awesome) and a spider-sense like ability which caused me to instantly internally monologue to myself about incoming danger whilst doing absolutely nothing to avoid it. Oh, yeah, and I was indestructible. The last one was the bestest. According to the flea inside my head, I was now virtually indestructible. I could survive being hit by speeding Peterliners, stampeded by elephants, crushed by Grond, blasted with lasers and beaten up by angry cheerleaders (All of which would, eventually, happen.) without so much as a scratch. Sure, it still hurts like hell, but my body regenerates so quickly, it's almost as if the things never happened. Cool, right? I thought so."
"The flea also stated that, in order to use these powers, I had to co-exist with him and, occasionally, give him full control of my body, like the Hulk. You know, the pussy-ass one who talks in full sentences and reminds everyone of Reiner Wolfcastle in Let's Get Nerdy? You know what I'm talking about. Naturally, with my life being a piece of shit the way it was, I decided to agree to the flea's terms as long as he let me do one thing: Wear a campy set of tights and run around the city punching bad men in the face. He said yes and so, using amazing tailoring skills and high-end materials I somehow gathered with little explanation or logic behind it, I became The Flea: The undisputed protector and champion of Millennium City! Since then I've been everywhere from Lemuria, to the Desert to wherever else I could use the limited spectrum of maps and hideouts to pretend I am and I've had fun whilst doing it but I'll never forget what my dog said to me with its eyes before it died: Get some powers, fuck shit up."
"And that's what I do: I fuck shit up. Sometimes bad shit, other times not-so-bad shit, but ALWAYS shit."
"So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. That's pretty much all I've got to say about that, so look out for your friendly neighbourhood Flea because you never know when he'll spring up. Peace out, nerds."
Powers That I Can Do
Indestructibility: "Aw hells yeah! This power is totally bitching! So, here's how it works: My body has a healing factor so fast that, whenever I get crushed, mangled, smooshed or eviscerated (I like the last one best) I recover from it almost at light speed, giving the illusion that I'm pretty much indestructible. Hey now, slow down before you start calling me "overpowered"! Words hurt. I still feel pain and can be crippled or taken out of a fight by it! And I can even be knocked out! And emotionally defeated! Just because I can't die, doesn't mean I can't feel. Did YOU cry at the end of Titanic? I did and still do. Every. Fucking. Time. Heads up, my healing factor also does this weird thing where it screws with magic meaning any sort of wishy-washy-spelly-welly type deal used on me is basically a coin flip."
Proportionate Strength of a Flea: "Okay, seriously now, what even is the proportionate strength of a flea? How do I know that I have the proportionate strength of a flea? Why did I call it the proportionate strength of a flea and not super strength? All these questions and more shall be answered never."
Super-Agility: "Zip! Swish! Boing! These are some of the various sounds I make when I'm dodging that weak shit you put out. I can move faster than a... Well, I'm not sure what I can move faster than but I've been known to be very adept at dodging things. Not bullets though. Those things are tricky. And SURPRISINGLY pointy."
Flea Control and Manipulation: "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COME MY LITTLE MICROSCOPIC PETS! BEND TO MY WILL! SUBMIT TO MY POWER! KNEEL BEFORE ME AND DO MY BIDDING! BITE MY FOES! BITE THEM ALL! AHAHAHAHAHA! And that's what I would sound like if I was evil."
Flea-Sense: "Totally NOT suggested to Swixer by Micromax because that guy's a rube and we all know it. Also, it's not as handy as you think. Whenever my glorious body would be put in serious danger, my Flea-Sense goes off and I'm forced to stand there, immobile, while I have an internal monologue about the fact that my Flea-Sense is tingling and about the imminent danger I'm facing. If I can find time to dodge after doing that then dodge I shall! Or, y'know, get the living S beaten out of my A."
Flea-Touch: "The newest member of the strangely cool flea powers family. Turns out that I can charge my grubby little digits with some sort of sciencey mumbo-jumbo which causes anyone I touch (In a totally PG-13 kind of way) to become really, really itchy. I'm talking 'Christmas sweater from Grandma' itchy. Hard to put up a decent fight when your skin turns into a party with every uncomfortable sensation imaginable invited."
No Brain, Acts Mostly on Impulse: "Let me explain. Whenever I let the flea take over my body, my brain sort of...goes into standby mode. It's just as stupid as it sounds. See, here's the thing, fleas don't have brains and, as a result, they act entirely on instinctive reflexes. So, like the mighty flea, that is what I do! Of course, it has a different effect on humans. As well as making me unpredictable, instinctive and recklessly-impulsive (and awesome.) it also makes me speak my mind faster and more frequently due to the fact that I don't think enough to stop myself. That leads to me saying things like 'Man, you can tell that teenage girl is going to grow up to be sexy' and 'I have a secret man-crush on Harry Potter.' Both of which are examples and totally are NOT true."
Supercharged Metabolism: "I don't know what this has to do with fleas but I've got a metabolism like Lady Gaga's got male genitalia. Did that reference work? Is it a little outdated? Look, give me a break: You wouldn't use your A-material if you were talking to someone like you either. Anywho, I have energy in spades. Sometimes I just sit up watching iCarly all night long, other times I google...things. Bottom line is I don't tucker out easy and, when I do, I recover pretty quickly. Hint, hint, ladies."
Stuff I Have
The Shrinkomatic 5000 Deluxe Series Sizeshifter Belt! (Batteries Not Included)
"Woooo, now this one's a doozy! So, one day I was sitting at home glued to the infomercial channel because the landlord cut off my cable for getting him sent to prison for a year or something, I dunno. Anyway, I'm watching some old Martha Stewart look-a-like trying to shovel off some crappy fake superhero stuff on some unsuspecting putz when I realised something: I'm an unsuspecting putz! Needless to say, when this thingamajig caught my eye, I had to spend my last $300 on it right away! I mean, a belt capable of shrinking you down to microscopic levels without messing with your buffness? Score, right? But it was all too good to be true, faithful followers! When the Shrinkomatic arrived, I quickly found out that it was busted and made in China. Understandably upset about this fact, I made my way aaaaallllll the way to China and tracked down the company that made it. The company was actually a front for an evil scientist who was trying to shrink the world for some retarded reason. Turns out the Shrinkomatic was a dud one of his drones sold to Antique Roadshow for $5. Economy, am I right? Despite the fact that I POLITELY asked for a refund, the evil scientist guy was all like 'blahblahblah he knows too much, kill him' so I beat them all up and demanded my money back. Instead, the scientist offered to give me the last Shrinkomatic which survived my teensy-weensy bit excessive brawl with his evil drones in exchange for his freedom. Being the incorruptible paragon I am, though, I punched him in the dick, took the Shrinkomatic and took his money and called the cops. And that's the story of why I can be found watching girls shower at the gym, now!"
POWER LIST ("I swear to god, Dennis, you're on your own next time."):
- "When I wear this doohickey on my hickedydoo, I can shrink down to a microscopic level. Pretty cool, huh?"
- "When I shrink down, I'm still just as strong as I am when I'm not Bite-Size."
- "I can also shrink whatever I'm touching, so long as it ain't too heavy. I once shrank my neighbour's pet cat because it jumped on my back while I was shrinking. Ever seen a cat get eaten by an ant? Not pretty."
- "I can look at naked women! But I won't, because I'm a hero."
- "Okay, so it may malfunction sometimes and have unpredictable results, okay? I'm man enough to admit that."
- "Requires 30 AA Batteries. Batteries not Included."
Fleas: "I have fleas. I have swarms of dormant fleas crawling all over my costume at all times. I am constantly covered in fleas. Fleas. I have them. Fleas are what I have."
Flea Spine Gloves: "Because punching things is dumb and boring most of the time, I made myself some awesome metal combat spines on my gloves for slashing at people and sticking to things. They're awesome and never fatally injure someone accidentally for some bizarre reason. And if that's not enough, the flea gloves also come with flea claws in addition to flea spines. Seriously, flea totally does not sound like a word anymore."
Super-Costume: "Spandex? Check. Fake muscles? Check. A modest amount of crotch stuffing? Checkaroonie. My costume is the bombdiggity and is made out of a unique nerd-invention which allows it to regenerate when I do, making my outfit indestructible too! Neat, huh? (EDIT) I WAS WRONG. THE COSTUME IS NOT INDESTRUCTIBLE. OH GOD, THOSE POOR CHILDREN."
Personality? Seriously, bro?
"The sheer fact that you're reading this tells me that you have not been paying attention. Start again from the top, Jughead."
Weaknesses I do not have because I'm a man
"I HAVE NONE."
Did somebody say "Sexy Nude Pictures"?
"Okay, so apparently I'm not allowed to go nude. I didn't know that. So here's some slightly less sexy not-nude pictures!"
- Dexter Pest.PNG
"Booooooooooring. I can't believe this is what I look like when I'm not out kicking ass and chewing bubblegum. Those glasses aren't even real! And is that a soul patch? This is why I wear a mask."
Slammin' Tunes to Fit the Mood
"These are the songs I like to sing in my head when I'm kicking ass. Sometimes I sing them out loud. Most times I don't."
The Offspring - Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
Cypress Hill - Insane In The Brain
LMFAO - I'm Sexy And I Know It
Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me
Tiny Tim - Living In The Sunlight, Loving In The Moonlight
They Might Be Giants - Can't Keep Johnny Down
Three Bad Jacks - Crazy In The Head
Hey, You! Not You! You! Have We Met?
"I'll let Swixer take over from here, since I've just found a ping-pong paddle and am about to go cray-cray."
- The Flea is notorious throughout Millennium City's street level superhero community due to his annoying personality and lack of self-control, both of which tend to make their jobs a lot harder.
- Dexter Pest and his band frequents Sherrera's Bar, playing mediocre music and drinking free beers.
- The Flea frequents Carl's Gym, bragging to others about his fighting talent and taking on challengers.
- The Flea has his own online blog, which provides laughs to a number of his fellow heroes as they mock his very existence.
- The Flea is an avid video gamer and can be found online under the screen-names "xxxXXXxxxkill3r_no_scope_fleaxxxXXXxxx", "I_luv_boobs696969", "Nanny McFlea", "Boneatron3000", "Sexy_Guitarist_Boy69" and "XXXx00KILLER00xXXX". He frequently gets banned for pestering his fellow gamers, asking female gamers for their age, address and phone numbers and having an unsportsmanlike personality.
- The Flea frequents various online messageboards and forums, usually posing as a fan of himself and posting topics about how amazing he is.
- The Flea is an honorary member of CABAL and claims to be a member of the Moonlighters (he isn't). Neither team returns his calls.
"Okay, I'm back. I accidentally put too much ping in my pong and wrecked my paddle. Did I miss anything? You comfy? Need me to get you a glass of water? No? Let the party continue!"
Tropes? Is that a word?
"Apparently I also have to tell you about all the 'tropes' which apply to me. If you don't know what a trope is, it's a cliche typically seen in a pathetically lame character that sucks in comparison to me. However, for now, I'll make an exception and scour this website full of pedophiles and perverts to seek out tropes which apply to yours truly."
Anti Hero - "Yep, that's me alright: a lone badass standing against a world that fears and misunderstands me. I should definitely consider wearing a cape. Capes are awesome. I am awesome. You can see where I'm going with this, right?"
Badass - "If I could condense my entire complicated character into one made-up word, this would be it. Badass. Gives me goosebumps. Badass."
Black Comedy - "Ooooh! Ooooh! What's the difference between Chivalry and the Patriotism?! Chivalry isn't dead! Nyaha!"
Annoying Laugh - "Chivalry isn't dead! Nyahahahahahahaha! Nyahaha! Ha!
Blue And Orange Morality - "Yeah, uh-huh, you know what it is! Everything I do, I do it big!"
Crazy Awesome - "I once stopped a terrorist cell from blowing up city hall by following its leader around all day thinking he was George Clooney and throwing my idea for a romantic comedy starring him and Brad Pitt as starcrossed lovers at him, stopping him from blowing up anything until UNTIL - Heh, until UNTIL - came and took him away. Guess Ocean's Sixty-Nine will forever be a beautiful dream..."
Captain Ersatz - "If one more person uses the names 'Tick' or 'Deadpool' around me, I'm going to...uh...cry, probably? I dunno, maybe I'll kick something."
Cloudcuckoolander - "Cloudcuckoolander? Is that like Zoolander? I freakin' hated Zoolander! It's got nothin' on Tropic Thunder. Say, has Ben Stiller ever been in a movie with The Rock? Speaking of, what's the Rock's real name? Remember when he used to be a wrestler? Wait, I think that was Vin Diesel. Has Vin Diesel ever been in a movie with the Rock? Woah, how long have I had this mole?"
Confusion Fu - "A lot of fights I win I win because I'm the physical embodiment of a 20-sided roulette wheel slot machine of fortune. Which actually sounds like a badass idea for a game show..."
Deadpan Snarker - "Why do I make snarky remarks so much? I dunno. Why don't you go outside and socialise like a normal person?"
Dude, Where's My Respect? - "I've taken out a terrorist cell, saved a group of foreign hostages, caused a famous mob-boss to turn himself in to the cops crying like a baby and scared some criminals worse than Mr. Blank just by talking to them for a while. How comes I still can't get one FREAKIN' LETTER PUBLISHED IN HERO MAGAZINE?! AND WHERE'S MY PAGE OF THE MONTH NOMINATION, ASSHOLES?!"
Did I Just Say That Out Loud? - "I have a weird thing where I sometimes say my inner monologue outloud. I blame the chat client."
Exactly What It Says On The Tin - "Averted. I mean, it's not like I'm short, annoying and hard to get rid of. Right?"
Chick Magnet - "Heeeeeey, sexy ladies! I don't know how I do it, but I do it well."
Fanservice - "Ooops! I'm not wearing any panties! Tee hee!"
Genre Savvy - "Oh yeah, I know my shit. Not bad for a lowbie, am I right?"
Hero With An F In Good - "F stands for Fantastic, right? That's what my mom told me when she looked at my report card, at least."
Fearless Fool - "Oooooh! The F stands for Fearless! Wait, does that say 'Fool'?"
Jerk With A Heart Of Gold - "I'm not a bad guy. I just say bad things. A lot."
Hey, It's That Voice! - "Bonk!"
I Just Want To Be Loved - "Is it really too much to ask for adoring fans, a bunch of super-friends who respect me and a loyal gal pal?"
Joke Character - "What? What the hell do you mean 'Joke Character'? Would a joke character defeat a rampaging supervillain by...talking him...into...submission...huh..."
Meta Guy - "Seriously, am I the only one that's noticed how often it is heroes walk into fights with villains? It's like that's all they get together to do."
Trademark Favourite Food - "Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles..."
Attention Deficit- Ooh, Shiny! - "Damn it, now I've lost my train of thought. I should go get some waffles."
Sitcom Arch Nemesis - "GOD DAMN IT SKATEBOARD MAN, GET OFF MY LAWN!"
Running Gag - "I'm not gay. Seriously."
With Great Power Comes Great Insanity - "Hey, you go find a flea and stick it in your brain and tell me it wouldn't drive you crazy."
Only Sane Man - "Yeah, -I'm- the crazy one..."
Obfuscating Stupidity & Obfuscating Insanity - "Who knows? I sure as hell don't."
No Fourth Wall - "Hey, I saw that! Gross."
Nigh Invulnerability - "In case you haven't noticed, it's kinda my thing."
Iron Buttmonkey - "Unfortunately, that means the universe tends to kick my ass to keep me in line."
Manchild - "...Grown-ups watch cartoons too. And Pokemon has strategic elements which come in handy in my line of work, damn it!"
Stalker With A Crush - "Okay, let me make myself crystal clear here, okay? Okay? Can I do that? Good. I don't -stalk- attractive female heroes who are nice to me, okay? I just try to be wherever they are whenever possible in an attempt to get to know them better because I respect women! Okay? Okay?"
Desperately Craves Affection - "Stop that!"
Hates Being Alone - "You're pushing it!"
Talking Is A Free Action - "That's better. One time I managed to complete three sentences in the time it took me to fly-kick a guy in the face. Seriously. The sentences had pop-culture references and EVERYTHING."
Trash Talk - "If you're gonna talk as much as I do, you'd better make it count."
Believing Their Own Lies - "People love me! I'm probably one of the most respected heroes in the city, for crying out loud! I mean, I'm a young up-and-comer with a strong career of ass-kicking ahead of me. I can only go up from here!"
Oblivious To His Own Description - "Dangerously incompetent idiot who puts himself and others at risk and would be better off in a mental asylum? You know, just because Avro is a jerk, it doesn't mean you can say that stuff about him behind his back. It's not even accurate."
Animals Hate Him - "Furry creatures hating the Flea? Shocker."
Why Did It Have To Be Snakes - "What?! Cats?! Where!?"
Unreliable Narrator - "That's right, I- Hey!"
Motor Mouth - "Hey, I'm not -that- bad. I mean, yeah, sure, I talk a lot about things and stuff but they usually have some relevance to what's going on. I mean, I don't just go off on tangents about famous celebrities and what I'm thinking about. Who do I look like, Jay Leno? I've always been more of a Conan O'Brien guy myself, though I've always wondered how he gets his hair to stay the way it does. It's freakin' implausible. And I'm not talking hair gel implausible neither, like Thundrax. What kind of hair gel does that guy even use? It probably smells like crap, the way his hair looks. I should sniff his hair if I ever meet him. No, first I should ask him how he gets his body to look the way it does. I mean, steroids have to come into play there, am I right? Maybe I should get on steroids. I could use a little more Badonk in my Donk, if you catch my drift. Speaking of-"
Small Name, Big Ego - "Come on, have you seen me? It's completely justified, heh heh..."
Jaded Washout - "...Heh..."
Sad Clown - "...Heh...Heh..."
The Determinator - "...Okay, so I know I'm not the most competent hero, alright? I know that my brain doesn't work so good and that, most of the time, I'm a screw-up...But all I wanna do is help people, and even if I suck at it, I'm never, ever going to give up on it."
Don't You Dare Pity Me - "Hey, wait a minute. Why am I telling you any of this? Don't you have hentai to jerk it to, pal?"
Kiss My Ass and Inflate My Ego
"So, this is pretty much the place where you put all your opinions of me and what I do so the entire world knows you love me almost as much as I love me! Ladies, try to keep it PG-13."
This guy is actually a hero who actually fights crime. I'm not kidding. Really. - Avro
"I don't see anyone lining up to get your autograph, Hawkeye! Ingrate."
The guy makes me laugh. I'm not sure if that's a mark against him, or me." - Thundrax
"Brb. Fangasming."
"Uhm...speaking as a British international law-enforcing gun-toting snow dragon, this guy is one of the strangest people I've ran into and that's saying...a lot." - Snowtalon
"Okay, that's it. New rule: you're only allowed to say nice things about me from now on. These include, but are not strictly limited to: compliments about my antennae, remarks about the firmness of my buttocks and positive statements about the effect I have on your sex drive."
For once, Natasha breaks the fourth wall, blinking at the previous statement, but having an amused smirk nontheless. Then clears her throat. "Well... A hero that goes after a bug, why not. Wouldn't figure somebody would go for a flea, though, which makes Flea here pretty unique, if I'm being honest. While I once got annoyed by Flea, I learned to take everything he says with a grain of salt and enjoy it. His acts, believe it or not, play an important role... He raises morale. That's right, and don't you go and disbeleive it. And for having fought by his side I can tell you that I do like to know he's on our side." - Natasha Roy
"Hey, woah, woah, woah! Wait a cotton-picking minute! How come she can break the fourth wall too? Come on, people, we had contracts made up for this sort of thing! I'm suing somebody! I'll be in my imaginary trailer!"
"Few beings disgust me as much as he does." - Lorekeeper
"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!"
"...he really needs to quit asking how old I am. And for my phone number. And for pictures of me." - Dobergirl
"And -you- need to stop leaving the window of your apartment open!"
"Fleeeeeea! He's my favorite bug! But not the evil him I met once, he sucks. I proposed to an angel for him once!" - Impsblood
"She did. It was heavenly. Nyehahaha! Geddit? Do ya- Eh, never mind."
"Guy killed the shit out of a bear with his bare hands. No pun intended. Anybody else.. kinda scared now?" - Desperado
"Killed a bear with my bare hands! AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO BEAR ARMS! AHAHAHAHA! NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL AN UNBEARABLE JOKE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Through thick or thin, I'll have Flea's back as I know he'll have mine. I've nothing but complete faith and love for this man." - Canadian Fist
"...Thanks, Fisty..."
"Flea really seems like a decent guy with his heart in the right place, unlike certain HIPPO MURDERING ASSHOLES I know of. And c'mon, he's pretty funny. Admit it. ..When he's not trying to hitch a ride in my cleavage." - Ophidia
"You know, some people would take that as a compliment, Scaley."
"I don't care what kind of reputation he has. He is not funny. He's not anything except an annoying *blip* who constantly just *blip* with every *blip* one! Befits the name though, I suppose. Do us all a favor and get out of our *blip* hair on a social level. You -might- make friends." - Anarchy
"Woah, I think I'm gonna have to wear some mittens or something here because damn if this lady isn't edgy! I mean seriously, I don't want to hurt myself on all the edginess over here! I especially like the way she swore a whole bunch because she's waaaaaay too cool for school! I wasn't totally convinced by her totally hip and rebellious hairdo or her totally original trenchcoat and name but this right here? This is definitely proof enough of how edgy and out there this lady is! I mean, here I am sitting here being an idiot while -this- one is out shooting things and telling everyone that she isn't a hero because she's too hardcore for that! Go you! Gurl power! You sure won -this- one, I tell you what."
"I owe him a great deal after that incident by the Stature of Liberty... but whenever I see him I think of giant, horrible, disgusting, repulsive and downright fugly insects from outer space. I'd be happy to see him remain a hero... just as long as he does far away from me. No offense." - Demoness
"I took a picture of your boobs."
"In his own way, the Flea is just as noble a defender as any other that takes up the mantle of hero. Whatever his reasons for it, I am glad that he has chosen this path. It is not an easy one to walk, but I believe that he has the fortitude and the intent to see it through to whatever end it may have." - Wavegirl
"I thought the doctor removed my fortitude when I was nine..."
"Oh MAN! I saw the Flea and he kicks butt. I think he was fighting the Blue Bwooser and it was weally good. He also likes cookies and that is even better! Keep kicking butt Mr. Flea!" - Chocolate Chip Chelsea
"The burning passion of a young fan screaming out her approval! A tidal wave of adoration waiting to sweep the unsuspecting hero away! The rapid rising of ego, spirits and self-esteem! This is what makes it all worthwhile!"
"Yuck! Ugh, don't mention that guy to me. I feel like I need to shower every time someone mentions his name. UghughUGH!" - Ada Clover
"Speaking of showers, you leave a -lot- of hair clumps in yours."
"Guy kills a bear and punches out kids, and he doesn't get crap for it. I kill a lion in self defense and move to incapacitate a target, and I'm called out for being a loose cannon? How the fuck is that right?" - Blue Freedom
"Might be 'cause you're a little more WET behind the ears than me. Ahahaha! ...I'm saying you pissed your pants."
"I do not know what this Flea is, but it sounds just like Yamcha." - Myrymma
"I'm the one who does references here, sweetie. Stick to what you know; like wearing skimpy clothing and sending adventurers on quests!"
"Flea is a pervert who looks at too much porn. I still remember when he shoved a mage's assistant off a computer to look hentai up. But I get a laugh from him every now and then, so I can tolerate him. For now." - Ryder Williams
(To 'We Didn't Start The Fire') "Hayabusa, Tobikage, Princess Zelda when she's manly, Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo! Betsy Braddock 'cause she's Psylocke, Raiden, Sasuke, One-Eyed Morlock, Ninja Ninja, Shiranui, freakin' Naruto! I didn't make a ninja! They are all but certain when a weeaboo's yearning! I didn't make a ninja! If there's one thing I know, it's that I'm no weeaboo!"
"This guy was on my team online and kept asking me to show my boobs and make him a sandwich. I hope he doesn't know where I live." - Corrosia
"He doooooooes~"
