Biography

When scientists detected a wormhole opening up near Earth's moon, the last thing they expected to see coming out of it was a meteor of an unknown origin. When the otherworldly meteor crash-landed on the surface of the moon, a team of astronauts were quickly dispatched from a nearby space station to investigate the unusual phenomenon.

What they found was beyond any of their expectations, however. Nestled within the centre of the crashed meteorite was an unidentifiable substance. White, gooey and seemingly alive, the baffling substance reacted to the astronauts' probing touches by hardening itself, moving away and, eventually, touching back. Certain they had stumbled across something revolutionary, the team of astronauts promptly secured the substance and brought it back to their space station, where they subsequently transported it to Earth for further study.

It was only upon returning the substance to Earth to be analysed by its best scientists that its true nature was discerned. Exhibiting a level of reactivity and awareness which indicated a basic level of intelligence, the substance showed the uncanny ability to completely and radically alter its physical structure on a molecular level almost instantaneously, create and reabsorb its own matter and transfer its uniquely adaptive scientific properties to anything it came into physical contact with. This made it uniquely suited for use in engineering, construction and a number of other key industries. Knowing that their discovery would one day change the world, the scientists named it 'Oxymorax' for its complete contradition of a number of presupposed physical laws.

As the team of scientists hurried to find a way to replicate Oxymorax for mass-production, however, the unexpected happened once again. The lab's rather incompetent janitor, unaware of the fact that he had been given orders not to clean the lab, arrived in the dead of night to do his job while feasting hungrily on a bag of Cheese Balls -- a popular brand of cheese-flavoured corn chips. Spotting the Oxymorax in its display case, the janitor became intrigued by its movements. As me leaned over its containment cell to get a closer look, a single Cheese Ball fell out of its bag and landed in the substance. The Oxymorax's unique physical structure reacted explosively with the Cheese Ball's ingredients in a way no one could have foreseen, rapidly expanding and bursting from its cage as the terrified janitor fled the scene.

Swelling to ten times its usual size, the Oxymorax violently exploded, completely coating the lab in the process. The sudden reaction didn't stop there, however. Slowly reforming itself from its splattered remains, the Oxymorax took on a vaguely humanoid form in the centre of the ruined lab. With the opening of its yellow eyes, what was once a semi-sentient mass of goo became a fully sentient humanoid creature.

With a freshly developed mind and no concept of what it was or where it was, the creature instantly focused upon the most eye-catching thing in the room: the janitor's abandoned bag of Cheese Balls. Moving with pure biological instinct, the creature hungrily devoured the bag of Cheese Balls and, thanks to its influence on its new physical structure, became eager to seek out more. Escaping from the lab that had once been its home of sorts, the creature fled under the cover of darkness, seeking food, shelter and some understanding of what it was meant to be.

Before long, the creature stumbled into the Westside portion of Millennium City. Wandering around in search of more Cheese Balls, it eventually came to a convenience store, wherein it spotted an entire display of Cheese Balls. Ripping the door off its hinges, the creature immediately began to feast on as many bags of Cheese Balls as it could manage, unaware that the store's owner was aware of its intrusion. Sneaking up behind the trespasser with a shotgun, the store owner shakily ordered him to get on the floor.

Unable to process language, the creature dumbly plodded out of the shadows of the store and towards its terrified owner. Upon seeing its inhuman appearance, the owner instinctively opened fire, blowing a hole in its form, but not felling it. As the store owner continues to blow chunks out of it, the creature fled through the window and hurriedly escaped into the sewers.

For the next few days, the creature stayed within the sewers out of fear of the humans above, only leaving at night to secure Cheese Balls and interact with stray dogs. It was during one of these trips to the surface that the creature was attacked by a particularly aggressive kitten that wanted its Cheese Balls. As it gave chase in an attempt to recover said Cheese Balls, it inadvertently followed the cat back home, coming face to face with its owner as he stepped out to greet it.

The owner of the kitten, a lonely and unsuccessful cartoonist named Eugene Deacon who had recently moved to Millennium City in search of inspiration, initially treated the creature with apprehension but, upon seeing the fear in its eyes, cautiously retrieved the bag of Cheese Balls from his kitten and handed them to it. Though the creature itself was hesitant to accept the kind gesture, it eventually reached out and took it, attempting to eat the entire bag as it usually did. At this, Deacon took the bag from the startled creature and opened it for him before handing it back.

Taking responsibility for the strange, homeless creature, Deacon opted to temporarily take it into his home while he searched for its owners. Between his job, his other obligations and his inability to turn up any information about the creature's true home, days quickly turned into weeks with no end in sight. Finding the creature's constant, childlike need to be around him uncomfortable, Deacon began to get more and more frustrated with the 'temporary' living arrangement. That is, until, he came up with an idea. Diving into his vast collection of cartoons and comic books, he presented them to the creature and showed it how to use them. From then on, the creature would divide its hours between motionlessly watching cartoons, absently flicking through comic books and, of course, feasting on as many Cheese Balls as its new benefactor could afford.

As time progressed, the creature began to exhibit strange behaviour. Mimicking the stars of the comic books and cartoons that served as its only real link to pop culture, it would often be found lazing around the house in a more casual manner, shapeshifting into characters it especially liked and helping itself to a wider variety of junk food. All the while, its monstrous humanoid appearance began to give way for a more distinctly human one which appeared to be modeled off of a mixture of Deacon himself and a clown. By the time its third month living with Deacon had passed, the creature had taken on a distinctly human male shape and acted more or less like an actual person, sitting in the couch instead of on the floor and making itself sandwiches among other things.

Though he was growing increasingly attached to his otherworldly roommate, Deacon still realised that someone out there would be looking for him and the thought of some man in black kicking down his door one day weighed heavily on him, halting his workflow. It was during an unsuccessful brainstorming session in which he struggled to come up with worthwhile ideas that the creature entered his office, curiously. As it watched him frantically scribble onto paper, he became increasingly more annoyed and began ranting about the problems he was facing. After getting everything off his chest, he immediately lamented the fact that the creature probably didn't understand a word of it and couldn't respond if he did. With a sympathetic frown, the creature surprised Deacon by saying his first word:

From that day forward, the creature began to speak more and more frequently. Initially he communicated solely with quotes from comic books and cartoons but, after developing a better grasp of conversation, began to come up with his own unique ideas and phrases, all while imitating the exaggerated speech patterns of a cartoon character. Before long, Deacon forgot the threat of the creature's owners one day coming for him and began to see him as a friend and confidante, often venting to him as such. It was during one of these conversation that he suddenly became aware of the fact that the creature didn't even have a name. After pitching a few ideas between one another, they eventually both settled on one that stood out from the others -- Screwball.

From humble beginnings, a powerful, if unusual, friendship blossomed between the two very different entities. While Deacon taught Screwball about human culture, reading and writing and other matters of academic and social importance, Screwball provided the socially awkward Deacon with the companionship he had never really secured since his move to Millennium City. He very quickly found a niche by using his unique powers to make his 'father' laugh and provide him with inspirations for his own cartoons.

Two years later, Screwball had not only developed his own understanding of human behaviour to the point where the only thing that distinguished him from one was his bizarre appearance and extreme eccentricity, but had also developed a greater level of control over his Oxymorax physiology. Often practicing his cartoon-like implementation of his powers on Deacon's cat (and his archnemesis), Hannibal, Screwball soon became restless spending all his time indoors and longed to venture outside like his 'father'. For obvious reasons, Deacon remained reluctant to let Screwball loose on the world. As a compromise, he allowed him access to the internet in the hopes that interacting with other people on forums would be enough for him. For another year, at least, it was.

It was during his third 'birthday' as he patiently waited for Deacon to return with a Cheese Ball birthday cake that Screwball heard a racket outside. Moving towards a window to get to the bottom of it, he was alarmed to see Deacon being attacked by a mugger. Though he didn't want to go against his 'father's' wishes and step outside of the house, he changed his mind the moment he saw the mugger brandish a knife.

Altering his appearance to appear distinctly more superheroic, Screwball darted out of the house and confronted the mugger dramatically, ordering him to drop his knife. Perplexed by his sudden and irregular appearance, the mugger simply directed his knife at Screwball and threatened to cut him next if he didn't get lost. In response, Screwball put up his dukes and ordered the mugger to surrender. Unmoved by the show of confidence, the mugger moved to stab Screwball, only to find that his body somehow curved out of the path of his blade. He repeated the motion again and again, with the strange newcomer's torso bending away each time. As he struggled to process what he was seeing, the mugger attempted to drive the knife into Screwball's throat. As he drove it forward, however, the blade simply went limp, hanging harmlessly off its hilt like a wet noodle. Before the mugger could react to the sudden change, Screwball puffed up his chest, rolled up his sleeves and proceeded to pummel his head rapidly like a speed bag, ending his assault by simply pushing him over. Disoriented, the mugger staggered away, crying out to be saved from the madman. As civilians gathered around to see what was happening and take pictures, Screwball fled the scene in a puff of smoke, gone as mysteriously as he arrived.

That night, Deacon sought to reprimand Screwball for his actions but, upon seeing the news story describing his work as an act of heroism, changed his mind. After telling the strange creature who had grown to be like family to him about the dangers of the outside world, he decided to allow him the freedom to leave the house so long as he used his powers responsibly against wrongdoers in the defense of people who couldn't protect themselves. Understanding the gravity of what Deacon was saying, Screwball promised he would always do the right thing with his abilities and, the very next day, took to the streets of Westside as the Voluable Vigilante, the Crimefighting Comedian, the Animated Avenger -- Screwball!

In three months, Screwball has gone from a laughing vigilante stalking the streets of Westside to a recognised and fully registered superhero fighting alongside the rest of its costumed crusaders. Though he still has a long way to go before most of them are able to accept him as a genuine hero and not a total buffoon, he has made good on his promise to his adoptive father through actions, conviction and an almost painfully ongoing stream of words. With a smile on his face and a spring in his step, Screwball wages a war on crime one punchline at a time.

Powers

Oxymorax Physiology

Personality

Friends & Allies

Rogues Gallery

"A man greater than myself once said that tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today. My enemies make up some of the greatest villainous minds the world has to offer. They're always prepared for the world of tomorrow, even when what it brings may seem like a god to lesser men." - Captain Collider

(Created and archived by QUARK)

Threat Level Key:

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LEVEL 1: Insignificant. Chances of defeat: minimal. Otherwise, may be disinterested in harming others. Observation: comical.

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LEVEL 2: Minor. Potential to increase in threat to others under certain circumstances.

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LEVEL 3: Low. Can pose personal danger to Dr. Parton or his loved ones.

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LEVEL 4: Moderate. Craftier, more powerful, more dangerous. Also: less comical.

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LEVEL 5: High. Should not be allowed to roam free. Prone to harming innocents and other heroes.

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LEVEL 6: National. Alert: extremely dangerous. Immediate intervention: Very yes.

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LEVEL 7: International. Potentially a threat to several nations. Common occurrence: vacation. Probability of sun fun: low.

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LEVEL 8: Global. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. Emphasis: DANGER. Clarification: EVERYONE.

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LEVEL 9: Cosmic. Observation: we are doomed. Strongly advised: prayers, familial bonding, reminiscence. More advised: Dr. Parton.

FILE 024

MARATHON MASTER

Real Name: <Unpronouncable>
Powers/Abilities: Reality Manipulation
Occupation: Marathon Master of Channel Zero
Origin: Cosmic
Motivation: Money/Fame
Inspired By: Mr. Mxyzptlk (DC), Mojo (Marvel)
Hailing from Channel Zero, a dimension of cosmic beings who spend the majority of their lives watching television from across the multiverse, the Marathon Master was responsible for maintaining and hosting a constant stream of television from every known universe for his people to watch. When a noticeable ratings drop of 0.000001% occurred, he ventured into our dimension to capitalise on the popularity of reality TV. Spotting Captain Collider, the Marathon Master used his reality warping powers to force him into a number of different scenarios mirroring popular television conventions so he could broadcast it to Channel Zero. Though Captain Collider eventually outsmarted him and sent him packing, the Marathon Master has occasionally reappeared with more of his troublesome antics.
Threat Level:

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ACTIVE

FILE 025

EGGHEAD

Real Name: Edmund Goodgrave
Powers/Abilities: Super-Genius Level Intellect
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Origin: Natural
Motivation: Power/Fame
Inspired By: The Riddler (DC), Clock King (DC)
Once a highly skilled criminal mastermind, Edmund Goodgrave was frequently hired by various criminal organisations for his intellect and precision. When hired by Arcadia City's branch of the Triad to mastermind the theft of a priceless jade statue, however, his spotless record was marred by the interference of Captain Collider. Fixated on this new challenge, Goodgrave began planning heist after heist against his employer's wishes. It was only on his twelfth 'defeat' that he finally cracked. Killing his infuriated employer and modelling his new philosophy and identity after the perfect symbol of uncertainty, Goodgrave became the Egghead -- the world's finest criminal mind. He has since devoted his life to outwitting Captain Collider and proving himself as the greatest criminal who ever lived.
Threat Level:

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ACTIVE

FILE 031

SCRAPBEARD

Real Name: Scrapbeard the Scavenger
Powers/Abilities: Bionic Physiology, Omnitech Command Module, Quantum Cutlass, Cosmic/Future Tech
Occupation: Interdimensional Technopirate
Origin: Tech/Cosmic
Motivation: Money/Power
Inspired By: Girder (DC), Davy Jones (POTC)
Scrapbeard the Scavenger was a sentient mechanical lifeform created by the electromagnetic attraction formed between various pieces of scrap metal drifting through the void space connecting the multiverse. With the use of his prized possession, the techology manipulating Omnitech Command Module, Scrapbeard became a fearsome interdimensional technopirate, travelling to various dimensions and assimilating whatever technology he could to become more powerful. Eventually amassing a crew of enslaved mechanical constructs and a monstrous technorganic creature called the Mekkakrakken, Scrapbeard attempted to plunder the Power Collider. Though he gave Captain Collider a fight, he was ultimately driven back from our universe.
Threat Level:

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ACTIVE

Weaknesses

Turn Off The Dark: Screwball has a crippling psychological fear of darkness stemming from his experiences during his semi-sentience within the cold vacuum of space and his days spent hiding in the darkness of the sewers upon becoming fully sentient. Additionally, as he often confronts his fears of the world around him by laughing at them, pitch darkness completely nullifies his coping mechanism. To him, darkness is the very embodiment of the loneliness and isolation he struggles to confront every day. When caught in pitch black darkness, Screwball often loses his physical cohesion and becomes hysterical, unable to control his physiology. This makes it his most powerful weakness by far.

Soundtrack

RP Hooks

Trivia

• Screwball is inspired by: Plastic Man (DC), Martian Manhunter (DC), Ambush Bug (DC), Mr. Mxyztplk (DC), The Creeper (DC), Slapstick (Marvel), Impossible Man (Marvel), Howard the Duck (Marvel), The Mask (Darkhorse), Freakazoid (Freakazoid!), Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes), Yakko Warner (Animaniacs) and Inspector Gadget (Inspector Gadget)
• To practice his own skills as a cartoonist, Screwball has created a shoddy animated web-series parodying the adventures of the Protectors of the World entitled "Pootectors of the Poo". His Youtube account has 89,000 subscribers and his videos generally break 500,000 views.

Gallery

Comments

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Active: Captain Collider • All-Star
Inactive/Incomplete: Mach V • Science Stork • The Flea • Bearzerker • Kid Billionaire Henchman • Captain Cash • Citizen Z • The Lovecraftian Man • Screwball • Patricia Pan
Misc: Frontiersmen