The Non-Canon Adventures of Spookmatter
Introduction
This page is dedicated to various non-canon stories about the character Spookmatter. I may make referrences to game-characters, historical events and so on, but none of this has actually happened, matter of fact, some of it doesn't even fit Spookmatter's timeline, so it's all just made up, because I think it'd make some interesting reading-material. Without further ado, here are The Non-Canon Adventures of Spookmatter!
Dr. Spookmatter or: How I learned to stop giving a $#i7 and love explosions!
The year is 1964. The Cold War is raging. Or, well, it didn't contain any official fighting, so I guess it wasn't raging, but people were REALLY scared, that the communists from Russia were gonna bomb their stuff, but anyways, the tension was high. Both the Americans and the Russians were equipped with tons of, like, really big bombs, called ATOMIC WEAPONS. Say it with me, kids, ATOMIC WEAPONS. But this was the 60s, not the 50s, we had just figured out that hiding under a blanket didn't help you survive the nuclear blast! Everybody feared, that a nuclear war might break out, so the U.S. called in their most valued expert on explosives, politics, diplomacy and basically every other thing that were important to them, this person being SPOOKMATTER!
"Gentlemen, I present to you, our foremost expert on every gosh darn darnit sh-.. Sorry, I've got Tourette's.. Anyways, here's our foremost expert on explosives, politics, diplomacy and basically every other thing that are important to us right now!", said General Mustard, as the other important people in the big room began clapping. Suddenly, a man wearing a homemade skull-mask and some overalls (really, that's all he wore), walked in. He inspected the people in the room, then said, "I'm here to solve very sensitive diplomatic situations and kick ass, and I'm all out of ass". The man sat down, in the large golden throne, that he had ordered to be built for him. He leans back, looks to General Mustard and asks, "So, what's the situation?".
"The situation?", the general replied.
"Yeah, the situation. How's it going with the commies?".
"Well, badly, that's why we asked for you, isn't it?"
"You're gosh-darn right, General Mustard!" the man said.
"Uh, but sorry everyone, I didn't even introduce you to him! This is Spookmatter, our foremost ex-.. I said that already. Huh."
Yeah, you did. Anyways, in the few seconds I've been here, I've come up with a plan!", Spookmatter said.
"A plan already?", one of the important people asked.
"Absolutely! We go to Russki-Land and blow up Oberst Communist Hitler.", Spookmatter said, very proud of his plan
"That's.. That's impossible, Spookmatter! Last time we tried to blow up Oberst Communist Hitler with our laser pointer-guided missiles, he knocked it out of the sky with his mighty iron fist!", another important hot-shot said.
"That's because using laser pointer-guided missiles is, uh, stupid. You need a missile pilot!"
"A what?", a fat man asked.
"A missile pilot. A pilot that pilots the missile."
"But that would be a SUICIDE MISSION!"
"I know, that's why I'm gonna be the pilot!", Spookmatter responded!
The people of the large room began talking to eachother about this plan of his. "It's fool-proof!", some guy said. "It's a pure genius!", another person added. Everybody in the room were certain that this was the right strategy, that would take down the commies. Only a couple of minutes later, Spookmatter was placed inside a plane, along with Darth Vader and some cowboy-dudes, who were gonna function as pilot, and fly the Spook-man into Russki territory, where he would then drop himself and a missile right onto Oberst Communist Hitler's face!
The flight was long and tedious, a whole 30 minutes of having to listen to some primitive redneck-cowboy people. Good thing that Darth Vader knew how to pilot a plane properly, so that the trip wasn't any longer. They had now flown from somewhere in the U.S, to Russki-Land. If they squinted their eyes and concentrated, they would be able to see the massive bloated face of Oberst Communist Hitler.
"I'm gonna strap myself onto the missile now!", Spookmatter said, before grabbing a bag, and going down to the missiles. He strapped himself to one of them, held the bag, and waited. Suddenly one of the rednecks' voices could be heard over the speakers saying something about them being near the target. Soon after, the bottom of the plane opened up, and Spookmatter could see the large communist Russki-face of Oberst Communist Hitler.
"NOW!", Spookmatter yelled to the dumb rednecks, as they dropped the missiles. As Spookmatter, riding one of the missiles, was falling, he opened the bag he was holding, and pulled out two MAC-11s. He pointed them at Oberst Communist Hitler's face, and began shooting, while falling. Suddenly the missile mount of his kissed Oberst Communist Hitler's cheek, and exploded so hard, that Oberst Communist Hitler (and Spookmatter) flew all the way to America. Oberst Communist Hitler was dead, Spookmatter was fine, and the new irradiated face of Oberst Communist Hitler became the area that is now known as 'Burning Sands'. A couple of years later, one of Oberst Communist Hitler's mutated boogers crawled out of the dead giant's nostrils, and called itself Grond.
And that, my dear children, was how the Russki Dynasty died.
