It took years to track her down but I finally did it. Her name was Crystal Blevins and her address was right in Millennium City but when I tried her apartment (which looked like it needed to be condemned) a neighbor told me she was at St. Mary's hospital and she wasn't doing too good, "so if she owes you money, you ain't getting it." the woman said before she slammed the door on me.
I thought it was hell walking into that hospital room and seeing this woman who had my nose and my hair laying there unconscious with her breathing ragged and her skin scarred and infected from years of shooting up. She was skinny and I could see we were the same height. Her hair was the same color as mine but only shoulder length. She may have been pretty at one time but the years and the drugs had not been kind to her.
I put my hand on hers,"Ma?" And suddenly Crystal Blevins eyes shot open and her skin lost all its color, "You." She coughed, "Angel." I couldn't tell if she was happy or upset that I was there because she started to cry. I've never been much of a crier but seeing her tears made me wish I was.
That first day was pretty emotional. The nurses came in and had to give Crystal a shot of some medicine to calm her down. But once she had slept off the hysteria that came with seeing me for the first time in 27 years, she seemed stronger and more stable. She didn't even flinch when she told me she was dying.
"What do you mean you're dying?" I said, my breath catching in my throat, "you can't die. I just found you."
Crystal looked at me in a way that only years of experience can teach you, "Angel, there are no such things as coincidences. I think you found me because God knew it was almost my time to go."
I scoffed. I believed in God but we didn't have the best relationship.
Crystal grew serious, "Angel, I've done a lot of bad in my life but I did two things right. One was having you and the other was giving you up."
Her honesty was brutal and I didn't fully understand at first. I felt like the same scared and abandoned orphan that was bumped from foster home to foster home every couple of months. "I had to give you the chance to become you." she said finally.
Crystal made it another three days. She told me about her life before and after she gave me up, told me that my father was a musician named Jim that loved pizza and bad movies, that he died right after I was born and she told me that I had an Aunt Trisha in Hudson City but she didn't know her phone number anymore.
She gave me all the advice she could think of and told me that if she had to go, she was glad she was able to finally be my mom and pass on some of her hard earned wisdom to me before she went.
"Angel, I'm glad I gave you up because you became a strong and beautiful woman all on your own but don't think for a second that I didn't love you every day of your life. You were on my mind from the moment I woke up until I fell asleep and no matter what I drank or smoked or shot up, I never stopped thinking about you. I love you, kid."
"I love you, Ma."